Confidence is something you see, hear and experience. It can feel sexy, self-assured and stable. There are many reasons we want to have confidence. Confidence to do something we are scared to, confidence to communicate our message and confidence for enjoying the feeling of being confident.
So why do so many struggle to find confidence? And, why do so many feel it is a lack of confidence that is holding them back?
I believe that when you can clearly articulate what you want then you can navigate a pathway to achieve it. Otherwise you’re taking random stabs in the dark hoping you may accidentally land on what you want.
What is confidence
You know that you are confident when you don’t feel like you have to justify yourself, when you feel sure about your opinion or decision. Confidence often means being able to articulate an opinion or facts without getting the wobbles in the process.
Having confidence doesn’t mean you don’t feel fear, but it does mean you can move beyond fear and into bravery.
One of the wonderful aspects of feeling confident is that feeling that you are enough with what you have and you don’t need more. You know when you are in the presence of someone who is confident because you feel it. It feels safe to be in the presence of confidence. That feeling you get when you think 'I've got this'.
Fears create lack
I’d like to take you on a journey of understanding, because maybe it’s less confidence you are looking for and more about overcoming some common fears. When we understand what is happening to us then it is easier to take steps to overcome it.
When we overcome some of our base fears that’s when we step into our brave and then the confidence comes. You can’t think your way into confidence, it requires action. It is fears that get in the way of that action and that creates a cycle of breaking down your confidence.
My hope for you in reading this is that you more easily find your brave, understand that lack of confidence is natural, and most of all, it doesn’t have to stop you from doing what you want.
I work with healers and energy workers to confidently talk about what they do. Doing energy work is sometimes tricky to describe. Many healers have been on a journey to become healers over many years and through many personal experiences. They can come from professional and corporate backgrounds or could have studied many modalities before they found and practice their favourites. They are passionate and know a whole lot of information and are experts in their own right in their field. Even though many are experts with a good depth of knowledge they still lack confidence.
The focus here is confidence in business, but I always say we can’t separate who we are from what we do and it equally applies to our personal lives.
Lack of confidence is fuelled from some universal fears. They are universal because we all have these same fears. It isn’t the fear that we remove it’s the degree to which you feel the fear.
Fear of being found out
Many knowledgable individuals hold themselves back because they are concerned they don’t know enough to be standing with others and get their message out. They are scared that someone will call them out as being a fraud and they will be discredited. They fear being found out.
If you’ve felt this way then you likely feel confident when you’re having the conversation in your head but can’t string two words together when you try share what’s in your head.
You may know that you’re a good practitioner, you get good results for your clients (even if it’s family and friends) and you know your stuff. But, it isn’t enough to make you feel confident.
But, the moment you think about standing on stage and sharing your message with an audience your doubts and fears come flooding in and amnesia takes over and you forget what you know. I often say about my clients that I see their brilliance before they do.
This even happens to extroverts who are usually comfortable talking and enjoy expressing their opinions. When I say standing on stage I mean that figuratively and literally. Your stage could be making posts for social media, sharing your knowledge with a group of people or being interviewed or literally standing on a stage and sharing with an audience, small or large.
When it comes to your own business it feels serious, and we don’t want to get it wrong. We feel that if we get it wrong or only partly right that we will destroy our reputation and that others won’t trust us.
We also feel that our opinion is so common no-one can possibly get value from what little we have to share. It is natural to feel fear about not being good enough and that you will be exposed and everyone will see just how little you know.
This one fear alone can be debilitating.
I often used to ask myself the question “Who am I to …” to tell people about what I know, because surely everybody knows this. I used to feel I couldn’t possibly add anything new to the conversation. I was worried that when I started to share what I knew I’d discover that when I started talking I’d run out of things to say and that there wouldn’t be much substance after-all. Even Socrates said:
“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.”
I figured I should give up before I even started.
You know that the fear of being found out is running your life because you spend a huge portion of your time researching, studying and gathering more information. But, you’ll find that much of that information isn’t shared. I know that there is an intention to share the information to get it out there and to help others with the information you know. But, in my experience if someone is caught in this trap of being an endless seeker of information they rarely get out of that cycle without help.
It becomes a bottomless pit because the more information you gather they more you realise there is more to know about each topic. There is no end to the knowledge you can gather.
If that wasn’t bad enough we often have to battle with another fear of not fitting in.
Fear of not fitting in
Being rejected by our people is such a deep seated fear. It stems from early days of our existence where if we were rejected from our tribe we would not survive out in the wild on our own. This fear comes up in daily life when we try do something like share the work we do. With this fear running our lives we freeze into inaction from fear of people not liking what we have to say.
Healers and Energy Workers have copped a bad wrap and have at times been seen as woo woo, hippies and not of this world. Many have fought to be accepted in just doing what they do and many more continue to be rejected by parts of our social structures. No wonder there is fear of not fitting in.
This fear of not fitting in is programmed into our subconscious over generations.
However, this fear afflicts us in our modern times too. when we don’t fit into a social group, when we get labelled or when we feel awkward and feel like an outsider.
Given this fear is deeply seated in our subconscious you can see how it can really knock your confidence and create resistance to sharing your message and your gift.
It stops us from doing live videos on social media. It stops us from offering our services to those we know and it stops us from openly sharing our gifts.
Moving beyond fear to find confidence
The purpose for overcoming a lack of confidence in business is to be seen and heard by others. We can’t get sales for our business if we hide what we believe and what we do. Confidence can be built over time. I have found that these simple steps have made a big difference to building confidence and that has meant reducing the fear. Try any one of these or all of these tips and stick with it for a good two months to see if it makes a shift for you.
Remedy 1 - List what you like to talk about
When you start to write a list of what you actually know and want to talk about you will surprise yourself how quickly you will fill pages of information with your favourite topics. This will help give you confidence on what to talk about. You may initially think that you have many different opinions and you want to talk about everything and anything. That’s why it is so important to write this list out. When you start repeating yourself on the list that is where you will find your favourite topics. Stick with your favourite topics and let others have the floor on things you like but don’t feel compelled to share.
Remedy 2 - Write down what’s important to you
Sometimes we lose our way if we aren’t clear on where we are heading. Take some time to explore what is most important to you. This isn’t something that you write down once and forget, it is a work in progress that times to mature. I’d encourage you to write down a theme or one thing that is most important to you to achieve, have or do and let that be your anchor and reminder of why you want to share your message. It could be that you want to see people overcoming pain, being in good relationships or many other things. When you find what is important and write it down on a vision board, your bathroom mirror or any other place you can see daily it will help fuel you and keep you focused. Direct your focus where you want to go.
Remedy 3 - Write a list of how your work helps people
Our thinking minds hold limited space for focus and attention. That is why it is so important to write things down and help put them into the subconscious mind and into long term memory. You may be underestimating how you will be able to help help individuals and the flow on effects of working with you. Be aware of the impact your actions of supporting others can make. If you work with one person the impact of your work is likely to impact their close relationships, the people that they mix with and even their communities. Write out what will be the consequential benefits of someone working with you.
Remedy 4 - Take small actions consistently
It’s easy to have a false idea about what confidence is. To be clear it doesn’t mean that all of sudden if you had confidence that you’d be doing a whole range of activities and things would miraculously fall into place. Confidence is that feeling that you are safe in what you are doing, that you feel sure in yourself. Taking small actions, step by step will get you there. You can end up putting in way more energy thinking about doing something than it would take in actually doing that thing.
Make a decision about what you would like to do and take one small step towards that goal.
Remedy 5 - Join a Facebook group with your people
An easy way to start stretching your comfort zone is to start hanging out with people that have the same belief system and approach to life as you do. The best way I have found to do this is through Facebook groups. When you find a group with your people that is an amazing place to share your knowledge and connect with other like minded people who will welcome and add to the richness of your views. The fear of not belonging is replaced with a sense of finding your people and feeling safe to connect.
Remedy 6 - Participate
The best learning is done through action. When we participate in what is happening then we experience life more fully. So, if you are in a Facebook group then participate in the conversation, start a conversation and support others. If you run a Facebook business page then be sure to participate and create posts and comment on the comments of your followers. When you participate you become the person that helps others develop a sense of belonging and you also step into the leadership space. Leaders get noticed and leaders make a difference to the life of others.
As a side note, I’m all about leaders of the wellness revolution. I believe energy work is the future and it is up to each of us to be leaders in our field and run professional businesses to be taken seriously and be able to stand with others who offer wellness options. If you resonate with being a Healer or Energy worker or are studying a healing modality, you’re welcome to join other Soul Business Masters for women. It’s my Facebook group aimed at creating a tribe of like minded women to bring wellness to the world by supporting each other.